Self + Analysis

Mindful digits lower to smooth and adjust idle rumples within the formal uniforms we selected together, the natural heat of my T’Naehm Sa-Kai’s body reaching out to warmly greet my touch as sensitive palms retrace the very same steps they had taken over a strong torso not fifteen point eight minutes previously. The utter awareness of the lack of true, and indeed slick, bare contact is not lost me, a faint, pensive crease developing between elegantly upswept eyebrows. I note with…something more than intrigue, that there exists in me in this moment more a desire to remove, than to adjust. To peel away each piece of fabric with an unhurried reverence, to see you again, to touch, to feel, to map, to memorize inch after inch…a deep inner hunger to…learn. Everything of you. Why?

Did not need to ask…do not know the reason.
Everything that I believe…is right here.
Not thinking about tomorrow…could not catch it if I tried.
World is spinning too fast, so I will wait until it comes to me.

Brown hues flicker to meet a mirror pair that stares unwaveringly back into mine. Into me. Through me, to the very core of my existence. Not for the first time this evening, a near imperceptible tremor touches my spine. For those perceptive enough to take note, while we may be outwardly identical in appearance…much like an actual reflection, we are opposite. Perhaps it is in this, that the source of it all lies. A drawing of opposites that, only when placed together as one, can create a single entity, complete and whole. War & Peace, one not able to exist without the other.

I am you…you are me. We are one.
Take me in your arms…and flow through me. I will flow through you.
Steal my breath away, because I am so moved by you.
Deeper than I ever thought was possible, was possible, it is everything, ohh…

Thoughts stray to those had in our shared shower, a cinematic mind reviewing my unspoken desires, expanding upon encounters between us in the past that should –in theory– never have inspired arousal, and yet… …Even as my thoughts wander, digits tug lightly at the hem of your uniform top to complete my self-appointed task of adjusting. I am fascinated as always, despite the dusting of veridian along the tips of pointed ears, by your affect on me. Our affect on one another…as though participants of a dance only we know the steps to.

Difference between me and you? It is all in where your heart lies.
And every day is another chance, so let us get it right.
I am you…you are me. We are one.
Take me in your arms…and flow through me. I will flow through you.

I lean to place a single, chaste Terran kiss to the tip of your nose, assessing the emotions stirred just beneath the surface of you, conscious of the fact that you no doubt followed a mental path similar to mine in some degree or other. If not further than I…for it has not passed my observant notice that there is a side to you that you have refrained from fully revealing to me. A side that shows at times within your dark gaze, within the lines of your body, within a shift in your tone…a side with a power and control capable of bringing me to my knees in both a literal and metaphorical sense. Heart, Soul, and Mind.
…My Trensu…
I cannot claim to not be enticed by its dangerous mystery, to desire nothing more than to offer myself willingly to it, to fully submit to you in trust and in faith that you will never endanger my life again. Why, then, do you not fully reveal this aspect of your inherent nature to me?

Did you lose yourself out there? Did you lose faith and give up?
Do not turn away and hide yourself. Because there is a friend to make along the way.
We are the heartbeat and our souls speak. And all the beauty I have ever dreamed?
Is right here in front of me, ohh… Is right here in front of me.

I incline my head minutely, straightening an already impeccable posture, turning back to our reflection in the mirror as hands come to fold neatly behind me. We are ready. We are awaited. Should this evening result in the manner I suspect…tonight is likely my last as First Officer aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise. We will not be separated. Where my betrothed is sent, so shall I be. I am a man with a new purpose. A being incomplete without my counterpart. A kafeh incapable of fathoming a life where my Trensu is not also present for me to stand beside, a united force as one. Gazes meet once more via our reflections.

I am you…you are me. We are one.
Take me in your arms…and flow through me. I will flow through you.

Without you, there is no me. Without you, it is as though all colors are gray. Without you, there is only emptiness.

I watch as your hand extends to brush fingertips with mine in a Vulcan kiss, an exchange of both quiet intimacy and reassurance in regard to our evening ahead.

Yes. I will hold fast to you. Until I draw my final breath.


~ by Sochya on April 27, 2011.

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